The Invisible Wall

… When goodbye is difficult…

Today I removed all the pics of Rif n myself from my room…
And it felt strange as Mommy was mirroring my tots…
And asked me how he was doing n if we were still talking…

We were, I told her…
And yes, he knows I’m seeing Ray…
And hey… he was already seeing someone else before I did…

She was kinda thrown off… always thinking her dear daughter is some kinda men-tyrant n hurting them or something… heh heh…

Oh well…

It also felt like I was saying my last goodbye as I put his pics away.. slowly into his box…
It felt surreal..
It felt sad…
5 years of memories…n postcards n little what nots… to be stored into a box.

When I said Love is petrifying..
I meant it..

I dun find getting to know a person from scratch fun…
There will always be doubts.. n not only bout the trust issues… but many many things…

I’ll always think… he loves me now… but only cos it’s now…
Wat happens after 6 months? Wat happens after 2 years?
Wat happened in the past? Why did it happen?
Why doesn’t he want me to know?
Does he still feel for the past?

These issues are more or less sorted out…
but I still think that knowing a person is knowing everything bout the person as well;
where you can put a timeline to events n things that had happened.
Where there are no gaps in time… n most importantly, no more questions…

It took me 2 years to be convinced I was truly loved some 3-4 years ago… n the journey was full of twists n turns n difficult uphills..

Sometimes I wonder if I’m still the tough cookie I used to be…
Able to see thru another journey with many more obstacles to come with another one…

Big tired sighs*~

Ah well.. leaving for Beijing for the weekend tonight..
All you wild childs have fun on your Fri n Sat nites…
I’m gonna miss the Zouk Flea market freaking AGAIN.
Nabei…
Have been wanting to go since the first one started eons ago but never seem to be able to make it to one..
Sigh… n ptui~

To people who think… Who the Hell works on a Fri night…
Well people like me n Ray…
On weekends.. on public holidays n Sundays.. heh heh..
Happy playing!! ;D