Fast Forward...

Just got back from my ex team chief's post Xmas party...

Wah liaw... it was a world of married couples... n babies... mostly 2nd babies...

Gosh...

It should have occured to me earlier on to bring someone with me too... but I tot it was just gonna be a small gathering of people...
Who knows... all these people that I never met before even at work suddenly all turn up with their spouses n children...

*hands to head*

Wah piang... I'm still reeling man.. as I had a glimpse of wat my future would be like if I married a fellow flymate...
abit of envy also. eeeks!!! Can't be!??!? I'm not ready! *Horrified look* >;O

Yep... I'm also starting to realise a pattern in fly life... always hanging with people whom you never met b4... n never know whether will meet again...

That was my Christmas in London as well...
Chilling n drinking n playing games with people whom I just met since the day b4 Christmas...

Sometimes there are hits... sometimes there are misses...
But okie la... most of the times it is still wacky n fun! ;D

However... on Christmas day itself... all I wanted for Christmas was for the radio stations to stop playing Mariah Carey's rendition of "All I want for Christmas" every half an hour; and for the hangover headache (which I hardly get one lor!) to go away... *groan*... A result of mixing cheap wines n lotsa beer, irish cream, whiskey...

Speaking of Whiskey...

My Baby!! *smoochies*

He actually enjoyed being treated like a bolster... ;D

Kee kee... that's wat big dogs are for.... for hugging!!!! And squeezing!!!!
My bao bei is the cutest! LOVE LOVE LOVE....***
hee hee~

Anyway... before the doggy digression... yes... fly life... n weird party...

On the long drive home from Changi Prison area... I realised I might have gotten a better idea of the qualities The One ought to have...
Still piecing these together even as I showered....

Hmmm...this might mean a better start to the new year... a vague idea of what I want!?!

Off to Bombay morrow night... n the countdown to New Year will be onboard in the middle of boarding.... ;( sigh.... how very pathetic.

Til next year, big bear hugs n wet kisses people! ;D

I believe...

I believe there are 2 groups of people out there....

NO .... not one who have read tolkien n the other who haven't lar for christ sake....

But rather... I think there is a group of people out there who believe that passion n fire in any long standing relationship WILL fade n become monotonous...n the 2 indivs in the relationship just live together day by day by day... thinking that this is normal n will be the same anyway in any new relationship... with love no less... but they r no longer IN LOVE...

And the other group who believes that 2 people truly in love will stay in love for the rest of their lives... til they r both grey n wrinkly... where the love is still fiery, passion very much alive... n everytime you look at him/her... all you wanna do is snuggle, hold, kiss, manja... everything...
You just have to find The Right One...

Thats y we see some really old couples still holding hands when they go out... still smile n look at each other in that loving way each time they speak to each other... n you think to yourself... that is the kind of relationship you'd want...

Which group do you belong to?

I want to find The One... n I hope The One finds me too ... n we both feel the same way bout each other.

I want to feel my heart skip a beat each time I see/touch/feel him... n I want the passion to live on forever...

Am I being too idealistic?

I mean.. how many of the said loving old couples do we see in our lifetime when we go jalan in town?

I like only seen 3 before... n 1 onboard... where they sat opposite each other in first class... n had so much to talk n laugh bout while they ate slowly course by course...
so damn sweet... n it's been like that prob for the past 50 years they been together...

Is that possible?

These days people have all become so jaded.

When i talk to all my frenz bout my decision... they all wondered why.

When i told them the reason... they stared at me n said that it's all natural for feelings to tone down n fade gradually in any long relationship.
And this is coming from married people as well.

I get very disappointed whenever I hear all these man...
Means people are getting married for the sake of getting married.... not for love...

HaizzzZZzz....

This ideal of mine will prob contribute to the reason why I will still be single when i'm 40 next time with no market value...

But then again... what is life without ideals...

I'm pessimistic... but I'm always hopeful. Sad but true.

I'm working on my New Year resolutions... will blog when I get back from London next week!
;)

Still the NYC...

Was sorting thru all the pics still left on my Desktop...
putting them in the To email Out folders... n other respective folders such as FRA NYC dec05 n etc... you get the picture... tideous...
And I decided to blog bout my NY trip before the pics gets forgotten in the recesses of my Mac memory... ;p
This is my 2nd time to the Big Apple.... but I'll always remember my first...
It was the September of 2004...

I loaded up on SATC before embarking on my journey to the city where women wore Manolos everyday, n where my Mr Big might reside...haha

I kept expecting spidey to come swooping down on me...

Our old hotel used to be just down the street from Times Square....

Silly, but I kept thinking I saw the Green Gobby n Spidey flying round the Nissin Cup Noodle thingy outta the corner of my eye... haha...

The sweet lady beckons...

And my voyage was complete...

Of cos I saw everything else one had to... like The Plaza Hotel... The World Trade Centre Memorial... The Trump Tower... The big Toy'R'Us at Times Square... Wall Stree...Rockerfeller Center... St. Patrick's Cathedral...a walk in Central Park... shopped at 5th Ave...

But I din like Manhattan after lei...
Dunno why... I tot it was an unfeeling city... all built up n concrete with billboards that kept my eyes so busy... everywhere I turned was "wow", n bam... the Chrysler building.. the Empire State... everything within walking distance that's why we covered so many attractions...

But Manhattan din touch me...

So this time, I planned to go the Guggenheim....

PLANNED to... but instead... too lazy.... weather bloody cold... like minus something at nights to bout 3-5 degrees celsius in the day...

Took the easy way out n walked to Times Square for a second fix....

Still so pretty! And the whoa feeling stayed...

Looks good enough to eat!

And checked out the ice skating rink thingy at Rockerfeller that just came up! The set of crew b4 us din get to see I think!

The spirit n smell of Christmas thick in the air....

Rockerfeller Center n 5th Ave were all fucking crowded cos people were queuing up to take pics with the giant Christmas Tree behind like in Home Alone....
And of cos Christmas shopping...

Something else unplanned was that i went to party with the crew this trip...

We've all never been to clubs in NY.. but tot it would be a good idea to check it out...

So we looked thru the Where magazine n decided on Webster Hall... seems like the main happening place to us... cos it's in every mag!


WRONG...


Clubbing sucks in NY. Firstly cos Webster Hall is a lousy lousy place.

Firstly, entry was US$25... *gasp* no drinks included ah.

Secondly, it's winter so definitely need to wear coats n stuff?... Yeah... US$4 PER ITEM to check in to the closet. PER ITEM means per piece.
If you wear a hoodie n a coat... that's 2 items. If you wanna check in your handbag, that's also considered an item.... Nabei...

Thirdly, cannot smoke inside. Then first concern was... how to go outside n smoke without coat!?! So cold! Which led to another fucked up thing...

US$5 for re-entry into club if you wanna go out smoke. Neh neh ko chee....


Ended up some of the 10 of us never check in coat... but I had to cos mine was heavy n thick.
Means we had to carry this whole pile of coats n prop them up somewhere while we danced near it.
But then, also good, cos the smokers borrow the non-smokers' coats to go out ... hee hee

It was all working out well already.... $$ paid n all...
but the music is the suck.

Main floor playing ah beng techno... all your Alice Deejay n watever crap they play at Club 3 n Club Seven... damn old... damn long no hear such cheesy tunes in clubs man...

Basement was hardcore hip hop. Not my cuppa tea.

2nd floor okie... started with R&B... can live with it.... but suddenly.... cheesy trance.....
Then techno shit again....

Wa Piang...

The only saving grace was prob when we went out to smoke in the middle of the night round 3... n it just started snowing...

We called it a night around 5... another thing that sucked was that they disallowed people to go out n smoke after like 430... cheebs... then we pay the US$5 for only like 2 smoke breaks lei!
KNN~!

Snowing in NYC! Another 1st for me!!! ;D
So pretty.... it felt romantic... n finally... Manhattan touched me... :)

We ate kebabs n hotdogs in the falling snow waiting for cabs...
How I wish I had my camera with me... ... but then it would prob cost me another %£@^& US$4 to check in...

SIghHhhhhHHhhh..... :)

Wat a nice feeling... one of those nice feelings which makes me feel fulfilled n happy with my life...

Two of them clubbed hopped to this other place called Crowbar... which played better quality music n where you can smoke inside... but it's a couple more blocks down n entrance costs US$30... they played til 9am the next morning lor... by which the rest of us all nestled in our beds n in laa laa land , some even woke up for breakfast liao.... heh heh....

So yeah... I agree with the wise dude who told me once long ago that Singaporean clubbers were all super spoiled...

Free check in for bags...
Cheap entrance with first drink included AT LEAST...
Clubs all in close proximity to each other so can club hop by walking.. no need take bloody cabs all the time...

I really missed SIN man when all these ran thru my mind n being disgruntled after paying n paying n paying.. n all these b4 we even started drinking. ;{

Been to Fabric in London before also... NO re-entry policy... so no such thing as go out have a hotdog n sign in your fren n breathe fresh air. Once out you're out...

And it's freaking underground... so no phone reception... THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME!!!

It was the source of many serious arguments when Rif was there n I was home waiting for his reply smses...

So people... appreciate what you have at home!!! ;p

With Love From Kong...

I slept... the entire day..

Couldn't wake up in time to do a dinner n movie with Kelly lor...

Until The Rif invited me to watch either King Kong or Aeonflux around 8 plus did I manage to rouse...
Even then... I only peeled myself off the bed at bout 9... Yawnz~

As usual... when I know what I wanna wear n feel like it... I can persuade my lazy self to step out...
I settled for this...


My sass&bide white corduroy jeans... top from mung guo, belt from 100 yen shop, choc brown pumps from Guess...

Dunno wat are sass&bide jeans? I can tell ya they R definitely not from the bloody ptui n poser Skin Couture shop.. eeks... sekali they bring in...
then really neh neh.

Even if I really wanna buy Ed Hardy tanks, I die die also won't buy from there... Not getting personal... but I just think the stuff brought in might be way too cool for the shop's concept.

Just cos got moo-lah then think can look cool with these indie brands?
Just cos got moo-lah then wanna do retail... Puh-lease...
But this is just wat I think ah.....

Watchever... I think the sass&bide make my thick thighs look super slim... n the low cut sits just nice for big butt me.

And very happy cos I lost another 2 kg... muhahaha!



Look wat I saw at the groundfloor lift landing when I went downstairs...

The piggy broke le...

I kept laughing n laughing cos Rif says it puts a new meaning into the word "broke"
hee hee hee hee... so cute!
And it's a golden pig somemore...

Someone must be as broke as me to want to break such a big piggy

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ;D

Yes I'm damn broke... but I also won't break the big pink pig I have at home...

My NETS card actually got declined today when I tried to pay tax for my duty-free cigs.

Yes, it's my first carton in like freaking 6 months... n Yes, even crew has to pay tax otherwise I might be caught for smuggling n get fined $100 per pack n lose my job...
So dun think our ciggies all damn cheap huh... we also pay tax okie... blab~

Can't stop laughing after I saw the pig... HAHAHAHAHAHA~~~

okie.... *giggles* yar lar very lame right... but when you broke like me then you can relate to the pig.

Anyhoo... King Kong was a blast... I LOVE it loveitloveitloveitloveit...!
I actually teared... but stopped myself so my mascara won't run...

Rif kept saying it's only computer! Not real one!
but I told him I met Kong in Times Square in NYC...... Really!!!

You see...

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Was ecstatic when I saw him! Squealed like a little girl!
Lucky I came out that day to Times Square when I did, though departing later in the evening... cos the day before I was sightseeing alone in Times Square as well n he wasn't up!!!

So happy!

Kong, sweet as ever, obliged to having his pic taken..

Lucky I not blonde haired n blue eyed.. otherwise he sure pick me up n squeeze me... ahahahaha! ;D

He looked so real lor.. the hair fly fly in the wind... how dare Rif say he not real!?!?

Humph... watever it is... I think Kong is just a single, lonely, super temperamental, explosive n possessive ape...but so sweet....

esp the scene when he n Naomi Watts were Kong-skating in the rink in Central Park... hee hee

Next time if I ever date a guy who's got super strong arms like him, I can say:

"Wah, last night XXX damn Kong lor... when he put his arms around my waist n held me oh-so-super-close to him... he practically took my breath away..."

OR OR someone ultra psycho possessive...:

"Oh my god, last night at the club when YYY came up to me n spoke close to my ear, he got so Kong-ed by XXX... lucky the bouncers came to break them up!"

HAHAHAHA~

Went to Deep Dish at Zouk after...
It was bout 0330 liao...

Have to go... cos Deep Dish is my absolute fave... along with others like Sasha, Danny Tenaglia, the now defunct Tyrant, n recently Stephane Pompougnac...

In my room only got 2 posters on my walls... One is the world map.. where I dot the places I visit,,
The other is one of those posters they put up in the Zouk toilets last time... autographed by the men themselves... some... 2-3 years ago? I can't remember.

Wah... music very good! I've actually got the George On Tour album.. but haven't listened to it yet cos my player spoil... n my Mac too jammed up liao, dun wanna jam it up somemore...

Some pretty big tracks they dropped... including Say Hello.. which made me go yay yay...
And we stayed til 5pm... just when they were doing an encore track I think.

Gee was hoping they would drop the Deep Dish remix of Gabrielle's Rise... very nostalgic track!

Yawn~... gotta call it a night.. or er... day.. watever... gotta get up later to buy a VIP Xmas present!

As for whether it's a bigger crime to be told a lie or denied the facts... I've finally come to terms with it n decided that one doesn't really have to know everything...

Yes I know... so not me... but I'm old n mellow now... so I dun give a flying fish! ;D

-15 degrees celsius in SIN?!£$@&?

Neh neh.. they activate me liao... for a Colombo turn! ;(
Morrow night, Sat morning come back.
Hate such flights. No need to specify here why but you will notice the pattern n figure out why! haha

Also good lar.. means i will the rest of Sat free n can meet Kelly at night! :)

Met Ah Gwen today to pass her some winter wear... couldn't contribute much though except a pair of boots, 2 pairs of gloves n 2 shawls... only got one warm warm coat from Zara which I need for work too!

We congregated at Deniz's place in Holland V... so convenient mah... rite smack in the middle of HV n opposite the ever so happening Wala Wala...

They had a really pretty fren over today... She's the Jan Cleo cover girl! Din take pic with her... so pai say... jus intro-ed then wanna take her pic meh!?? ;D

Anyway, Deniz went to meet others to do Xmas shopping, while Ah Gwen, Zhiwei, Jess n myself had dinner at Coffee Club...

It's amazing how friendship works... all these people are Ah Gwen's secondary school mates lei... n Ah Gwen is The Rif's bro's ex... cool rite? ;)

Anyhoo, we went to Eski Bar for a drink after... you know me... hardly ever bother to check out other clubs or bars except Zouk... so this was a first for me.

Not bad! When we walked past, there was a function going on n we were jus wondering whether we would be given any freebies when... this man who looks like the owner saw us checking out the place n went "Hello can I help you!".

All the tables outside were obviously taken... but we din wanna wear the used-by-10,000-people -already parkas they provide for warmth inside the bar. So I thick skinned n told him we actually looking for a table outside....

He damn nice! And said it could be arranged! Wah... think it was their launch party today n to accomodate us he cleared out a table of his frenz or something for the 4 of us....
Talk bout service!

Guess in this competitive age... every potential customer counts. We din really plan on going Eski cos the crowd was so yuppiefied n oldie... but we took up the offer anyway cos it was embarrassing to turn it down at this point!
The boss is someone who knows how to "zhuo(4) sheng(1) yi(4)" man! Usually bar managers/directors or watever you call them are damn stuck up, but this dude bothered for us, so we, the consumers feel better spending the $$ lar!

The drinks were reasonably priced... well to me at least.. cos I compare everywhere else's drinks prices to Zouk's. It's 35 for std housepours with mixer... 40 for std housepours with juice. Who's gonna drink bourbon with OJ or some weird combi like that dun ask me... ;D

But they charge the 10% service, 1%cess n 5% gst.. so it's damn irritating to get all the loose change back lar!

And check under the receipt when getting your change! We almost kena conned twice.. cos the notes were all tucked super duper neatly under the receipt in the bill folder... n you can only see the coins.

TWICE, we were like... ? then... oh there's the rest of the $$.... n after TWICE then we were like... oh.. they quite smart huh... if i seh ready i will jus take the coins n leave receipt there with the notes hidden under...more tips for the staff!

KNS!

We checked out the freezer section...

Damn cool! The bar top is solid ice! so r the benches n tables! Though its a really small area.. like 3 tables only! Floor damn slippery also...

The dude working inside must be freezing... think he shivering when he took this pic.... haha!

I came out of the toilet n those two threw mini snowballs at me!!! The cheek! ;D

The place only had 2 cubicles lor... n so dirty. Eeee.. hope the management takes note of that n do something. The poor ah neh outside too busy keeping the floor dry outside to tidy up the loo!




Back outside..... the photo taking began....

Found more ice in my handbag.... -_- " Wah Liaw.... hee hee



Deniz finished his shopping... and came back to HV to join us....

Must show off my nails! Super good quality nail tips!
I damn chor lor... but worked B2 both sectors to n fro KIX only cracked one thumbnail! Amazing!
If my real nails all gone n chipped liao!

Deniz repaired it for me b4 he leftSo sweet hor!
He's ACE!!!



I got alot of pics with Zhiwei...

Cos one pic I got fat face...

another 2 his face looked shiny...

So he blot... Then another...

Then another without flash....

Then my camera went out of battery....

Arhhhhhh!!!

We wanted to take more pics in the freezing room place!!!

We got bored n went up to D'Spa_de... Zhiwei tried his hand at manicure on Gwen...
Aiyah!! would have taken pics! damn funny when he was doing!! haha

He dun dare to clip the cuticles after pushing them back... heh heh... n Gwen suddenly had 2 guys working on her hands... ;D damn cute la they all...

We lounged around bitching somemore before calling it a nite... Thanks to these guys I actually had a pretty good day! Tot it was gonna be a lonely night! ;p

Something I been pondering on in the day: Is it a bigger crime when someone lies, or when the someone has had many chances to admit to something but just doesn't say anything??

Both sucks lor... grrrr....

Anyway... damn shag la... gonna Zzz

Caffeine induced stupor...

Yeah... been awake since 4am SIN time... worked back from Osaka... n still awake now!
24hours without sleep!

Dunno... i usually collapse (cheebs! can't even spell collapse! need oxford!) after any flight.. but sleep was the last thing on my mind today at 7pm..

I ended up sorting out my room, wrapping all the Xmas pressies for The Rif's family... The stuff were all clogging up floor space since the Delhi trip!

I'm actually afraid that I'd be called up for a long flight on my 2 standby days Fri n Sat later this week... hopefully i will actually... go away for a week, disrupt my Adelaide n London n come back just nice on Xmas eve! Then dun have to spend bloody lonely Xmas eve n day in LHR... though i bet some of the crew will definitely go crazy on alcohol...

But then again... in light of recent events... I'd rather spend Xmas away lar... Xmas, I predict.. is gonna be like my Valentine's Day for the past few years since The Rif went away to study then... all spent working n working to numb the lonliness on festive seasons...

So anyway... met The Rif just to pass him all the wrapped pressies... poor dude came in his work clothes... at 12plus in the morning! N havent eaten the whole day... ;0
And of cos got to see The Dog.... havent seen him since the beach i think.. almost 2 weeks! Thank god he din bark... which means that he din forget me... but he acted weird... n did his pee-pee-like-he-lost-control-of-his-bladder thing....

What the hell is that you ask?! Well... he gets excited.. n muddled up n he's wagging his tail happy to see you n turning around for you to scratch his belly n the pee pee just coming out of his koo.....like he doesn't even realise it... n he's sitting in it as it comes out....

wah lau... we need a dog psychiatrist man... we can't bloody figure out why the hell he does this!

sigh....

And he seems to sense something is wrong with mommy n daddy... cos he came to me head down n not his usual self... poor doggie... ;_(

The Rif had to get up at 6plus later... so it was just eat something with him at his place n drive home. He's looking frazzled as ever... morrow is the company Xmas party n he has to organise some games n the after party thingy... AND then report for work again at 0830 the next day....

Gosh... lucky I told him to cancel my seat. I also dun have the energy to go dress n make up n do hair n fear standby call up.. n deal with a mung zhang Rif who's sleep deprived n has to run around doing stuff; n who will have to leave me with his stuck up colleagues whose spouses/partners are investment bankers, lawyers, rara peeps who speak with an accent n think they r oh-so-posh... haha

Think i'll edit morrow or something... actually got photos n stuff bout KIX as well... but too lazy to upload n talk more... want to go to the gym morrow!

Gosh.. now i owe FRA NY, AND KIX.... i will i will!

When Love fades...

Been smoking n drinking too much the past week while i was away... time to cut back n repair...

It's been a crazy week... lotsa rushing around... hanging out with peeps i just met... having lotsa fun... n then having to come back down to earth...

geez...

so many things to blog about... but the thing most prominent on my mind now is my relationship with The Rif... n then some....

since he started work... have been feeling neglected n emotionally abandoned. But i'm actually used to being on my own... doing my own things as usual... honed by the three years he had been to n fro london for his studies...
so basically... i tuned out... stopped needing him n he was also too busy to do anything bout it.

I keep telling people I have got a boyfren... technically I do.. yes... because we still do couply stuff like hang out n watch movies... meet up for dinner... etc... but maybe it had come to that point... when doing stuff together is not enough... seeing each other without feeling each others' hearts...

but most of the time... I have been solving my own problems; facing fresh new experiences; coping with crazy times like my lymphoma scare, and my granny being in hospital; brooding over my moodswings.... basically focusing on making myself happy... becos he needs me... n im worried bout him if I throw silly tantrums or my demands will cause him to break down somemore...

my favourite activities have been escaping by tuning out the world, stoning around not aware n unfeeling, being cynical, whining bout stupid things, working, staring outta the bus, sitting on the stairs outside my place with a stiff drink n cig.... best at pretending that im actually okie...

when this is not me at all. I admit to being the most needy person ever, emotionally retarded as he once called me b4 he left for london... after all, I'm a pure pisces. soft, weak, dreamy, always hopeful but pessimistic, passionate n thoughtful n sweet n loving...

but all those no more... cos im totally tuned out.
i feel bad as well cos it's also my fault that i havent been extra sweet to him... little surprises n sweet stuff i used to remember n do for him...

i dunno bout him... but emotionally i have dried up... my well of love n affections n that sweet warm tingly mushy feeling i love to have (becos that's wat being in love is all about) have dried up...

we did our talk at Zouk today. Terrible choice? Well, I'm comfortable with that as i feel that i wont burst out sniffing pathetically if we start our reminiscence of all things sweet n comfy in the past. Nothing resolved yet. cos i bet any 6 year relationship, no matter how turbulent it had been in the course of it, needed more than 5 hours to reach closure.

Also realised that I have been jaded for a damn bloody long time. Used to believe that the person I marry eventually will be the one I'm truly crazy about, madly in love with... n he feeling the same bout me.

For a short phrase in my life... i actually abandoned that ideal n decided that maybe as long as he loves me more than i love him?

And then suddenly I even stopped sticking to my criteria n standards... i started seeing all the wrong kinds of guys... all for the wrong reasons.
no matter how fucked up that individual is, I always managed to get too involved emotionally cos i only saw the good points n ignored the bad.
I scared them off as a result of my keenness... talk bout playing hard to get huh? fucked up.

Then we got back together... n i tot maybe it could work... but the question always on my mind was... The One?

How do we know when we meet/ have The One?
Is it mutual? or what if The One dun think you r his/her The One?
how do you know that initial feelings of that oh-my-god-i-know-this-is-it feeling is not infatuation or lust? How do you differentiate it??

It's all these questions I ask myself when I doing my favourite combi of activities; sit outside stairs brooding smoking with a stiff drink n stone.

Whatever it is, I so think that i'm gonna end up a 40 year old spinster before I realise it.

People who know me will bitch behind my back, going "see la, last time she very chio one, high market value... but she had ridiculously weird n high expectations from already very nice men. Look wat happened now, got old n had to settle for some fucked up gambler/druggie/lam nua man... / had a terrible divorce which took away all the spunk she used to have. Girls cannot be so picky one i tell you..." argh~

And the average looking girls all end up with eligible men, cute, sexy, loving them like hell n leading a happy life...becos there's this theory that they tend not to expect too much... Dunno heard this shit from my primary school guy frenz... tot it was pretty lame too lar. ;p

There's so many I, I, I going on in this post... maybe the fault lies with me being such a selfish bitch.

Sigh... Can't a girl just have everything?

Will blog bout Fra n NYC another day...

That fucked up thing....

The CT scan results came out today... and Granny was diagnosed with stomach cancer...
They are waiting for some tissue tests for the malignancy of the cancer... whether its the fast spreading kind or not... as of now... only the stomach n lymph nodes near there are affected... the liver... very vital organ is untouched as yet...

Whatever it is... the stomach has to be removed... n that will be decided morrow...

I'm leaving for a week morrow...

Granny doesn't know the extent of her illness... Doc told her that she could discharge morrow n she's very excited.... She keeps thinking that she is okie after the blood transfusion already... n she is all strong n robust... good appetite etc...

But if the surgeon thinks that she is strong enough to handle the stomach removal... that might be the way to go...

But the major op has big risks... like stroke... blood loss... all which could prove fatal...

i dunno how mommy will have to break the news to gran when the results come out...

Fuck... i fucking hate cancer.
It happened to Grandad first... though he quit smoking like freaking 15 years before....

So what if there is radiotherapy n chemo... so fucking wat... it started in the nose n went away for awhile... n when grandad went back to work cos he wanted to help out his fren... the fucking cancer came back in the throat... n took him away from us...

Grandad who used to carry me n poke me n tickle me in the face with his bristles...
Then i was in sec 2... during exam period... n mommy din wanna disrupt my exams cos she tot i was too young... n i wasnt there when he passed away... im still damn pissed...

i cried at his funeral... unexpectantly... when the monks were chanting...

It happened to Godfather... it started in the liver... cos he liked to drink n smoked too... he was only 40 plus...

when it starts in the liver... it's like a hopeless case lor... though i was not that close to Godfather... but i saw how the fucking cancer strip life away from one... n all those close to him... my godma n mom stayed by his bedside throughout... he got delirious n stuff.. n threw tantrums... it dragged on for 2-3 weeks... wreaking havoc on everyone's life... n then took him away too...

And now it's granny...

it started with her being naseous n vomitting a few days before small uncle's wedding.
Mom brought her to the GP n blood tests were taken...
the next day she had to be warded to A&E cos her blood pressure was dangerously low...
something was bleedin inside... n 2 pints of blood were given before anything else last thurs nite... i was with her on friday...

just this monday... they did a scope on her stomach n intestines...
the results came in yesterday... a big ulcer in her stomach... n then the CT scan...

I was with her the whole of this afternoon... afterwhich i met The Rif for dinner...

I'm angry... angry n upset with this cancer thingy...
If it's tangible like a a physical thing... i would freaking punch it n kick it n scold it with all the hokkien vulgaarities i m capable of ... beat it to a pulp n kill it....i really.... grrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!
*clench fists*

Why why why why granny of all people!?!?
Granny who prob never smoked a single cigarette...
Granny who never enjoyed life like we do... she worked all her life n lost her parents when she was a child in China before coming over with her Bro who is my granduncle...
Granny who cooked the absolute best chicken rice n fucking amazing chicken rice chilli with the right blend of lime n ginger n garlic n salt....
Granny who always left the best parts of the chicken for us kids n everyone else n din like to eat too much herself....
Granny who worked at Yeo's until she had to retire n every CNY she would lug back a carton or two of canned drinks cos everyone would be gathering at her place...
Granny who is so brave n never uttered a word of complaint or pain whenever she is sick...
Granny who is the best grandparent anyone can have cos she speaks only Hainanese but try to understand when all her grandchildren speak english to her.. n me only broken hainanese n who try to teach her mandarin....
And granny who is the only old person i really care about n enjoy her company.... ;_(

Im fucking angry... why does cancer wanna take away everybody?! Doesn't it have enough people already!??!

Before the days of cancer..people only died of old age... or wat is it that really took them away?
Granny is only 76 n there's so many things i wanna learn from her...
Like speaking hainanese... how to make her amazing chicken rice chilli....
I want her to be there on my wedding day...n if she can make it... be there when i have my first kid... cos im the oldest grandchild...

I dun even think i will be able to around this CNY... i can only hope my roster is kind to me...

Fuck... why do people say quit smoking... quit eating these stuff.. or doing those stuff.. when this cheebye cancer thing is gonna get to you... or the ones you love one day!?

It's not critical yet.. n know i shouldn't be so upset n pessimistic as yet... but im just do afraid....

Just one of those days... when I wanna be all alone.

I'm feeling mood-swingy today...
Dunno why... n shouldn't be cos my period's just over...
hmmm... but I'd been a good girl this past month i guess... no PMS before period! ;p

Prob explains why I'm gorging myself with these....

The last of my Demel chocs...

Check out those big nuts! I've got a thing for nuts.... of all kinds... hahaha ;D

Speaking of which... How i wish we still fly to Vienna! Then i can get another dose of Demel's amazing food... ;)_
Gee drooling as i m thinking bout their fantastic veal meatballs....


Oh... Sunday was Doggie's day out!

We brought Whiskey to Sentosa... supposed to let him swim n play with water as everyone's saying how Goldies love the water...

"Yoohoo! Look at me! I'm going to the beach!!"

But it turned out to be not....

He's always apprehensive in new surroundings... very timid in fact... n we had to drag him around as like his first walk round the block when we got him.... haiZz....

Super embarrassing... we had to dunk him in the water n he attempted to run away from the waves!!

Everyone was watching!! And we had to explain that it was his first time out.... after all, he's only 7 mths old!

After like 2 attempts... he still refused to get wet.

On top of that... Whisk had a car sick problem... he threw up shortly after a walk around the other dogs ... n poo pooed a whole lot...

He also barked at a couple of strangers who wanted to touch him... we only realised today that he was so defensive! hee hee

This big guy with 2 huge goldie labs came outta the water... n said we had to go into the water ourselves... n then doggie will go in too... make it like he had to rescue us....

So I looked at The Rif n said... "I'm going in..."

;D

The reason I hesitated at first is cos I haven't been tanning... n I'm like freaking fair lor...
I always think I look bigger EVERYWHERE when I'm all white ... its like bai bai nen nen... yucks.. *pout*

Oh well... it had to be an itsy bitsy bikini anyway... so... in I went... n both of us went :
"Help me help me Whiskey help me!" in funny high pitch voices...

hee hee... n then.... he dog paddled!!!!! so cute!!

Doggie's first swimming lesson!! Woohoo!!

He seemed to enjoy the scene n music at km8... We've got ourselves a cool doggie!

If only we can bring him along to the upcoming Zoukout... ;)
Guess it's more Sundays at km8! And get my pasty self a much needed tan!

Members R for Members only...

We went Zoukin on Friday nite... wahahaha.... i very long never go liao... the last time i went was the 2nd day after it reopened lei. ;(

Anyhoo... they are carding everyone who goes into members... I say bloody about time!!!

Last time people are just like.. "oooh.. i just walked into members last nite lor n they let me in...so easy... just act like you are really member lor..." <+ smug stupid look on face>

OR

"you dun really have to be a member to go into members rite?" (obviously a jealous individual making a stupid snide jealous remark)

ptui! ;0`

One complaint though.... the PR dude should still try to remember faces i feel... else they get mean dudes like The Rif who barked at him when asked to produce the card when he was re-entering... hee hee

the way things are going... i think that in no time at all the bouncer dude will run outta steam n let non-members in anyway... bleah.

Going to the beach morrow! Please dun rain on me! Pretty please! ;p

A day in the life of a tai-tai wannabe...

NBei... Just poured out a bowlful of Banana Nut Crunch for a healthy snack when i opened the fridge n realised there's no more cold milk.. ;[
It's either eat it dry or to use the room temp milk in the pantry cupboard.... warm milk with cereals?!
Quite gross too.... but tummy growling.. no choice. Bah!

Speaking of snacks, I've been addicted to these babies since my return from Perth...

Aussie's No. 1 Nougats!!

Damn shiok! And I'm not that kind who snacks on sweet stuff! The stuff i buy back usually stay in my fridge til my sisters wipe them out or my mom gives them away n i won't be tempted one lor!!
Can taste the freshness of the nuts with each bite! ;D

And look wat I did today to further tai-tai-tify myself.... hee hee

Pisces rule the feet!!! Must pamper & take care... ;)

Square tips! Been wanting for a long time!

Wahahaha...!! ;D
Deniz really very sweet... see the white crystals on my pedi? Those are real swaroski crystals man!! He said my toenails pretty short so to enhance the French he used the crystals to beautify... yay yay yay... *Big bright happy smile*

And the square nails are nails tips glued on. Apparently according to Deniz, it's not only the cheaper alternative to acrylic, it's also the healthier.

Acrylics cover over the real nail n over time these nails become weaker n thinner cos they dun get to breathe n all that. In some cases, the nails become paper thin, much like just skin... n it's jus yucky, so acrylic users have to continue the process of a bi-weekly in-fill, followed by a bi-weekly replacement of the acrylic nails alternately. And each set of acrylics cost 100+ bucks!

Mine's only bout 30 plus per set! And i can just do it once or twice for fun n it won't affect the condition of my nails except to help a nervous nail biter like me to let it grow! ;)

And of cos square tips more sophisticated than round/oval tips! But my real nails too weak to carry off square tips... Deniz says will chip easily... *pout*

Deniz is an ACE!... always nagging me to take care of my nails... soaks them in special lotion to remove the yellowish tint on my nails cos of all the nail polish i gotta use... n just the nicest person to talk to.He does make up as well! Cool rite!

Oh... n i was good god dotter... i picked up Godma after she closed her stall today n sent her home... : ) like i said i would! But she decided to hand over her stall to someone else by end of this month le... said $1 popiahs n $2 Rojaks dun give much returns... n the crowd at Hougang Plaza kopitiam doesn't have the volume to justify staying on... sigh... All good things always come to an end!

And then..... The Dog!!!

He's looking cleaner... better groomed after the maid got scolding from The Rif.. hee

Doggie & me had a moment... :)

He's that affectionate. He knows I like snuggles... so he will always lumber up to me n slump down next to my thigh close to me... just right there... all the time... *huggies*

The Rif n The Whisk having a discussion bout women...

He got up to chase me round the living room!

Catching a breath... Love his side view!! ;D

Rif finally brought me to watch Harry Potter!!

It's not all that bad lor... everyone's complaining bout how everything is changed n facts twisted from the book.

I dunno.. *shrugs* i can't remember all the details cos i read the book some time ago n only once... but maybe that's why the movie works for me...

It worked for The Rif too... cos he never had time to read the book...

Maybe that's what the movie was designed for... for people like me... n The Rif... pure entertainment.

For me... it was just fun to see the on-screen adaptation of stuff like Mad Eye Moody's rolling eye, how the portkeys worked, the campsite for the World Quidditch Cup, that cute trunk in Moody's room which just kept popping up(!), the part where Harry had gills after eating the gilly weed, the battle between Voldemort n Harry in the cemetery... these little things made me so excited! It's one thing reading bout the details in the book... but watching it!?!? Cute! :D

Yes, it was disappointing they din show the Quidditch match... n only Harry's battle with his Hungarian scary dragon was shown.. (was it the Horntail?), n Cho Chang ain't that chio lor... n wat was with that funny Scottish accent she had? is it right? Too lazy to go flip the book to check... yes.. n most of the time the movie was like moving at a staccato pace... with each part cutting in n then suddenly out, disjointed n moving too fast...esp at the beginning...

But dun you also agree that the Quidditch match was not really relevant to the rest of the story, except to show that Krum is a star? Or that there would be too much dragons if they showed all 4 champions battling each of their dragons?

Instead... i think the director was trying to balance plot n humour n character development (Rif tot that too). The bit where they were discussing getting dance partners in the common room n getting smacked on their heads by Snape... (the boys have grown up! Rif got reminded so much of boarding school), the bit where Hermione teared while telling Ron he should have asked her to the dance if he's jealous...(she's growing up too n painfully aware of herself with the boys...) so many things lor!

All the details that seemed irrelevant to the plot were added I think for this reason... Can't imagine if the entire movie were just on the whole plot thing like all the memories in the pensieve... the death eaters.. it would be too dark n overwhelming for me i think...

I was also glad that although they did cut out alot of the book, they actually added details of Neville being traumatised after seeing the spider tortured by the Crucio spell; then added later in the pensieve part that his parents were in fact victims of the curse themselves. That loose end was tied up for Rif who did not read the book but figured that out. And that little detail where the imposter Moody licked his lips nervously when talking to Barty Crounch; followed by the pensieve part where BC Jr did that too...

see! details! ;D i like!

And Daniel Radcliffe is Sooooo much a better actor now... that lil' bit where he gave Snape that look when Dumbledore muttered that they found the culprit who have been stealing his polyjuice from his private stores when they discovered Imposter Moody... And his truly terrified look when Dumbledore glowered at him after the Goblet of Fire spit out Harry's name... so much more real his acting!

Compare his performance in No. 4 to No. 1. The Rif couldn't stand him!!! Super lousy acting when he was younger!

The only complaint I have is the new Dumbledore. Rif havent watch No.3 yet so he dun know wat i mean... So annoying this new Dumbledore.. i mean.. in No.1 n 2 the old Dumbledore was really like in the book... reassuring to Harry, patient, stately blah blah blah... just like you'd expect him to be!

But the new Dumbledore suddenly so loud! So energetic!! Even gave the headmaster of the Beauxbatons such a chee ko pek look when he kissed her hand! Wah lau!!! buai tahan!

The way he did not reassure Harry at the end of the show like the book illustrated; just pat his head n walked away.. Wat the!?!??
This new Dumbledore like fuck care Harry one lor... not worried bout him at all... jus convey the wrong feelings to the viewers .. or is it just me man!??

The Rif also pointed out correctly that this one had too much Dumbledore, n so much less of Ron n Hermione....

Oh... n i also felt that the movie was very much sadder when Cedric Diggory died compared to the book...Harry in the movie was really distraught n i felt bad at the same time too.. but maybe i read the book too fast to feel it too...? *shrugs*

All in all, we thought it was a pretty cool movie.. i wanna watch again!!! But i'm gonna go skim thru the book again later after some beauty sleep!... heh heh ; )

What Every Girl Needs...

Yay! Finally have the time to go for a haircut... been 3 freaking months!

So embarrassing... the shampoo boy actually asked me "Been a long time since your last hair cut rite?"

Yikes! ;P

And this Taiwanese tai-tai sent her shampoo girl over to ask me if i know her... she actually mistook me as a fellow tai-tai and thought I looked familiar!! Kwa kwa kwa~... I wish!!! ;D

Really meh, i look like tai-tai meh?!? *stand in front of mirror n primp n pose*...

Probably explains why the boys later set my hair super big n pong-pong... until my stylist came over n told them the big curls were definitely not appropriate for me; n attempted to flatten the curls himself... i just kept giggling...

Lucky sial... that's why i always trust Anthony... he's the best stylist any girl can have... i stopped my search since i found him 4 years ago!! No more over-layered sotong look where the layers keep sticking out!! No more waking up in the mornings n having to use water to flatten my voluminous crown! No more crying on bad hair days! heh heh

A trusted hairstylist is what every girl should have; in addition to black knee length sexy boots and the LBD. Some women roam the face of the earth combing hair salons for a long long time, and never find themselves completely satisfied with their haircuts each time.

It's always too pong, or too flat. The fringe too short, length just wrong...
And you come out angry, annoyed, frustrated...
But when your hair goes all hay wire again... n you need to find a place... it happens all over again... so much anguish!!!

Sorry, no pics of my perfect new hairdo cos I went to the gym after n messed it all up again.
But if you wanna try out Anthony's skills, esp if you've got super thick, super lotsa hair which goes all over the place with no definite parting like mine, can ask me where he is! ;D

The Rif also came back to SIN today. He's so tired n stressed out, but still insisted on fetching me home at midnight after my coffee session with Von. Sigh.. n all I wanted him to do was rest! Silly boy...

I'm going to see The Dog morrow I guess... n get a pedicure at Deniz's nail salon as well! More on that morrow!
My body's like a ragdoll after Pump n Yoga again today... *slump*

Niteys!

Brrrr...

It's cold n rainy today... as was yesterday.
So nice to sleep in...

The Rif is coming back later! Finally! ;)
But I know he's gonna still be busy... hmmm.. hope he has the time to watch Harry Potter with me... I know... I'm probably one of the slower people who haven't caught it yet... but he told me to wait til he comes back.. sigh...

I went to yoga today... n the guy in front of me had smelly feet. ; {
it was like *inhale... ;{ exhale ... phew.. inhale... ;{ .....*
you get the idea.

One time his foot hit my hair... eeeewwwww....

Think that guy needs the Scholl anti-smelly feet insoles fitted into his shoes; it worked for The Rif!

When Love Has to Be Made....

Today's my small Uncle's wedding ceremony.
He's 38, she's 24.... Huh?!?!

Yes.. amidst raised eyebrows, I'll explain.
She's a bride from China, small unc is a single man who's the last on my mother's side to get married... so.. guess it's kinda inevitable... *shrugs*
But I really couldn't help but wonder... can love really be made?
Isn't it just supposed to happen? Like you meet this person whom you kinda have a connection with n then... you decide... maybe he/she is The One?!

In small unc's case, it was a first meeting knowing they are gonna have to make each other The One and spend the rest of their lives together...

I still dunno how do you know whether your other half is The One.
I go around asking friends, colleagues who are married or just married. Especially ladies who keep raving n gushing bout their husbands. Most people give me the same lame answer : You just know...

WTF!

Another told me:" When you feel like you want to bear children for him, you know he's The One"

I asked her back: " How do you tell the difference between the feeling of wanting to bear his children n just plain raw lust?" Wat I really meant was... maybe wat you feel like doing at that time is just fuck like rabbits, bear children my ass. I felt this way as this particular lady broke off a relationship of 5 years, got together with the new guy for 1.5 years, decided he's The One cos of the above reason n got married... 1.5 years is still honeymoon period lor!

Also.. being 24 as well..., I dun even know when I'll be ready to settle down, or if The Rif is The One... how can she bring herself to do that?!
Her parents are not with her, her relatives not with her... she been away from her hometown for 4-5 months already... Man she's fucking brave... to be able to not cry, feel sad... or maybe she does.. but she's not telling...

I dunno, I can't ask her... it's damn weird calling her Auntie... ;p

She quite pretty hor! ;)
I dunno how to edit photos n my mac dun have adobe lar otherwise will be nicer!

Of cos the wedding cake is fake. Next time my darling must get me real cake!! ;D
It was really a simple wedding but the gowns were nice, n the make up, hair n photo albums were done good. The Mummy later complained to me that she didn't even have all these when she got married...
I guess when there is true love, you'd still be the happiest girl on earth without the glitz n the blitz??

Dunno... call me materialistic, but I want both true love n the glitz blitz bling!!!
Sigh... I'm so gonna die an old wrinkly spinster... bleah~!! -_-"











My Granny is happy too!!

She's my favourite old person... Granny was my only playmate for the longest time cos I was the only grandchild on my mommy's side.

She would chide me when I put in too much mushrooms (which are my fave ingredients in her bak zhangs!), while wrapping bak zhangs with her. And play this mini roulette game with me n we would place bets together while she's cooking. The first amazing thing I learnt from her n my late grand dad at 3 years old was that I could use rice as glue for pieces of my horrid art n craft.
I would stay over on Saturday nights n they would buy me my favourite Fried Carrot Cake (the kind cut up in cubes n cooked in black sauce) on Sunday mornings.

When Mommy came to fetch me home, she would wave to me from her window while we cross the overhead bridge... til we get onto the bus.

I was such a little princess. Everyone doted on me!!!
;) Now can you see why I'm such a spoilt bitch!?

My Granny is also fucking brave. When we went to Disneyland with my aunt, my sister n cousins were then only 2 - 8 years old. Needless to say I got no kaki for the rides in Adventureland.

Granny took the Space Mountain with me twice!!!!!! And she didn't even freaking shriek during any of the rides!

RESPECTS!*

Whenever I see lonely old people onboard, or lost or otherwise, I think of Granny and how much I love her. Think I'm gonna try from now on to visit Granny more often; cos I've been self indulgent n lazy n haven't seen her much these years... Now that I'm flying, it's also no longer all possible to see her on CNY n other festivities.

The Clan

I also realised today that I'm no longer the only sweet young thing in the family... My sister n my cousins are the sweeter younger things on the left, all just turning 18 man.... Sobs... Old le! ;(


That's my Godma. She's an incredible cook; makes the best curry chicken in the whole goddamn world n she knows all the rules bout chinese traditions n customs. I learn only way too much hanging out with her!!!

She has a stall in Hougang Plaza selling popiah n rojak. Of cos it's amazing as well. I'm gonna be a good God dotter n go fetch her from work morrow nite after she closes her stall. ; )

Dressing up helps me survive boring wedding dinners...

Stuart Weitzmen's Black Patent Pumps
Who needs legs when you have killers like these???

Just wanna prove that my face is not really that fat! ;D

Nighty! :)

Delhi Rocks!

Delhi was fantabulous!! ;)

I went crazy shoe shopping as you can see....

All that n 2 gypsy skirts and I only spent S$80!! I'm happy!


We went to this open market which is bazaar-like, Sarojini Nagar. It was the bomb site from a few weeks ago and we did not want to stay long. It was a swift 2 hour rampage. heh heh.

Delhi is actually a prettier city compared to Mumbai; though we did not have time to sightsee, our driver showed us the parliament buildings on our way to the bazaar. It was like the Champs-Elysees in Paris... complete with an Arc de Triomphe look-a-like. Cute! ;p

And the food... yummy. I ordered the Murgh Malai Kebab for dinner before check out...

Saliva inducing...

Love it dipped in the mint chutney sauce...
And the garlic naan was super good!
And I'm not particularly a lover of Indian food as well. hmmmm.... can't get enough...

I got back yesterday morning. But The Rif had to jet off to Jakarta as well, and he will be away til next Wednesday! Bummer... ;(

Nonetheless, I had good company that nite... in the form of Mr. Danny the Pilot.
We used to have a pretty complicated relationship a long time ago... time flies... it's been 2 years! But we're buddy-buddy now... n things are actually better.

Anyhoo, Mr. Danny just got back from Thailand. He was gone for 7 weeks n he had an earworm bothering him; he dragged me to HMV to look for that particular Thai tune....

Yikes! He pointed out that the Crazy Frog album was quite good! Bleah!

But then... that's Mr. Danny... he's a fan of ah beng "tiu-tiu-tiu" techno... hee hee
To think I almost made him a boyfriend... just almost! Lucky he's not man.. though he's sweet n everything, he's nowhere near as loving as The Rif!

1) He loves his Honda Euro-R more than anything else in the world.

I need my other half to love me more than anything else in the whole wide world... n The Rif does just that! nothing else matters except making me happy... ;D I'm such a spoiled bitch.. *evil laugh*

2) Damn funny.. when I proudly showed him my $2500 bag, he promptly said that he'd slap his gf if she spend this kinda money...hahahah..;D

Of course I know he was only joking.... but....

3) All pilots, esp fighter pilots are super egotistical men...

It really gets to me the whole "I'm so elite, the cream of the crop" attitude. Major turn off!

4) He's a Brief guy.

I've got this whole Boxers vs. Brief men thing.
Boxers wearing guys somehow are just more the chill out, anything-goes kinda guy. They have better dress sense and know what to say or do to please the ladies. And almost all of my ex bfs whom I really enjoyed being with are boxer guys! They r just cooler men!
Brief men on the other hand are anal retentive, highly practical, short tempered n snappy. They are also not as rash; thinking too much of the consequences before doing anything... which makes them not as spontaneous as boxer men. And men in panties are just not visually stimulating.

I tried converting a brief man to a boxers guy... i must say he took to it pretty well. On some days, he reverted back to briefs when he exercised or something like that.
However... he was immature when it came to handling difficult me. He snapped whenever I got caustic and mean n could never take things lying down...super annoying!

I learnt that one can take the man outta the brief... but you can never take the brief outta the man...

of cos that didn't work out too... kee kee.

Dun ask me bout g-string men k. Only know one who is a bi n who cross-dresses.
As for men who dun wear underwear, also only know one so far... hahahaha

Aiyoh... not easy for a bitch like me to find Mr. Right
Stupid guy had to use the placard to hide his big-ass middle... and still had the nerves to call me fat! ;D

We had dinner at the Cappadocia (wonder if i have the right spelling) Turkish place in Robertson Walk... then proceeded to the winebar outside Siam Supperclub for more wine!

I messaged Ah Loy n asked her to join me when more of his single, available n very eligible pilot friends appeared!! Her favourite type!! Got $$ n got car can fetch her around! hahaha (Girl if you ever read this, I'm kidding! ;p) That neh neh girl damn lazy... used a sprained ankle as an excuse.

I discovered that pilots are anti smoking people. Never partied with such a big group of guys (bout 6?!) n only one quitter asked me for a fag... while the rest protested. The weird part is that the girls joining them are mostly smokers!

Speaking of which, i endeavour to stop social smoking! Anybody knows where to get those plastic fake fags which you can still drag on...n cooler still, the end also lights up artificially when you drag! I see before! but never know where I can get it!

Onward to Perth early morning later... loser me... home on a Friday nite... n everyone is out... I know cos no one's on msn. *Grouch*