Running...

To n fro...

I ran back n gave with all my might...
N realised I ain't getting the same back...
N realised I will never get the same back...

It's painful...
But i guess it's time to accept le...
That he will never love me the same way he loved me anymore...

I guess it's just human nature..
When things come back to you without one having to make an effort...
One no longer sees the need to reciprocate; with his heart n his soul...

I have made it all so hard, yet so easy.

I gave it my all n all... Til I have nothing left
But disappointment... heartbreak... n just numbness.

But I forgive you.

The 5Bs of Women...

My atas hairstylist of 6 years gave me a nice compliment on Saturday...

I'm impressed cos he never really gave me a sincere compliment before..
He always forgets the things I tell him... which makes it seem like he really ain't listening during our conversations...
Or that he just can't be bothered to remember... insincerity lar...

But just that day... he looked really happy to see me....
N said something like I'm one of the rare breeds who have the 2 Bs...

2Bs?? huh?

He whispered in my ear... Brains n Beauty...

*blush*

2 Bs huh??

I came up with 3 other Bs...

Namely Butt, Boobies... n Balls...

eh... Balls not the ding dong balls hanging behind the schlong...

More like gutsy, feisty... kinda balls... ok??

Eh.... Cos he made my head so big le...
Think I would like to add Balls n Butt to my own list...

Cos Breasts I definitely boh...

N I get compliments on my behind... *gigggglees*

So I got 4 Bs lei!!!!!
Brains, Beauty, Butt n Balls...

How many Bs u have??? ;D

Balloons R the New Flowers...

Balloons r indeed the new flowers for me...
These r taken from the recent Zouk's sweet 16th...
They r small n cute, bubbly n fat... (n pple who know me well know tt's how i like 'em ;) )
n heart n star shaped...

They r kinda assuring when I crying in room alone...

N cos they were so high up in the ceiling...
The boys were a-jumping n the girls were a-giggling...

so sweet 16...

ahhhhh... ;)

To love or be loved... To know.. or not to know...

My head is exploding...
my lungs are collasping...

thoughts thoughts thoughts...
self reflective, blaming, forgiving??? endurance.... tolerance.... throw the phone away???
MOre ciggies!!!

Tears onboard at work...
Never tot tt would ever happen...

Is it the thot of abandonment I can't take???
Am quite sure is the thot that I might just never breathe again...

Yes Von... I read yr blog...

Won't it be bliss if I found that One whom I love n who LOVES me more than anything else???

ALways wat I wanted anyway...
Someone who will never let me cry... see me sad... have anything more impt than me...

I had an enlightening weekend...

Met Ju...

He got new gf le..
Old gf was flygirl also...
Ask him... "How???" n for advice...
Old gf still nice to him.... still go aussie n buy him his gums... (yeah he chews gum 24/7, prob in his sleep too)

Then I ask... "Yr new gf know not??"
"No"
"*gasp* how can?? wat if yr old gf still miss u n think of u whenever she sees gum! means it's not over rite??"

"Yar.. but as long as it means nothing to me.... it's okie wat....
She buying gum for me is a small thing... but telling new gf would mean it means something to me.. n therefore... problem.."

Dodo then had a realisation....
Soh des ne....

Boys function this way...
Makes sense....

Y let a small prob become big... when it's nothing at all??
Blame it on a significant other ex... who taught me eons ago that honesty is the best policy...

But how do u draw the line at what is to know wat not to know???
I guess the guideline is... as long as the boy is not distracted in any way it's okie...
unless he still loves the other person or has lingering feelings or something...
But but but....

Sigh.... stop it dodo!!! >;O

Met V...
Gf damn damn possessive...
I tot I'm siow... she more siow...

I said " There must b reason for her not to trust u rite??"

"Yar lar... blah blah blah"

Basically the gist of the story w his ex was tt he was TOO honest... then the ex become paranoid... n he seconded Ju's chewing gum stance...

However.. with the current 'siow' one.. he humbly surrendered his privacy lor...
handphone texts kena srcutinised everyday in front of him n asked why why why...

heh heh... sometimes I think bout silly devoted guys n smile... ;)
they cut down on their guy nites for us...
they buy tapao for us when we fume,
yet still, we undermine their sorries n cut them down to half their size when they apologise...
And they still try... somehow...

That's why we love 'em more rite?
That's why they r worth it rite??
Cos it means we r worth it mah....

I looked thru all my texts n realised that I have changed an inconsiderate, insensitive, blurly thoughtless n rebellious boy into my own devoted in one year...

Of cos he won't be wholly wat I want... cos like V said...
It's a package deal...
You buy a McDees value meal...
U can change the size of the fries...
the type of drink.... size of drinks...

But it will always come as a set meal... can't say dun wan the fries or drink...
Well the concept is cute... n I began to realise...

That I drove our love crazy with my typical Piscean tears n fears...
Yep he did his fair share of blunders... n I mine...

He was willing to accept me as a McDees value meal...
though he doesn't like the fries... so he downsize the fries...

But I been upping everything...
Not becos I'm greedy... but cos I keep testing the limits... stretching them...
As a gauge to how much more he will try...
Or how much more he will stretch b4 he stops loving me....
A measure of self worth..

I know... it's bad... it's wrong...

I drove my first true love away from me when i was 19 cos I was the same... PLUS more ignorant n needy

I cut my best love short cos I overstretched the limits as well...

N now... I'm doing the same.

Im damn expert at driving men who r madly in love with me away from me lar!! ;(

Maybe i deserve that cold shoulder...
the desertion.... the pushing away...
But I dun think I deserve a lifetime of losing touch with someone I love...
My phobia... hard hearted, super decisive guys... I run away from them n then back to them again n again...

Like...
How can one person dun ever ever ever eat McDees ever again rite?? I can't... sigh...

If I were a McDees meal I would be Chicken Mcnuggets... with curly fries for the quirk... n small coke. And if u like... pls go ahead n add a scoop of vanilla softee into the coke...

Why?

Cos one never have enough of the 6 piece... it's always just enough to fill u n keep u coming back for more soon enough...
Curly fries are limited edition rite?? not gonna b around forever... n prob only in Sin...
Small coke cos too much makes one bloated...
N the scoop of softee jus for the hell of it...
becos it's worth it...
..................................................................................................................................

You said not to write bout u here but u din say I can't write to you here..
Anyway today's post is bout me...

I understand how yr mind works on all those stuff liao i been fussing n obsessing bout liao...
I understand y u think it's unneccessary cos u know u love me...

But I dunno that u do... so much..
I know u hate to repeat yourself...
N dun understand why I just so blooody hard to convince though u seemed to have tried all ways n means...
But I'm chicken Mcnuggets... little bits here n there... the scatterbrain I m...
u have to keep ordering somemore to keep me in the menu I guess...

I know u been doing wat I ask of...
I know u damn pissed cos u feel I'm asking for more n more...
I know u r a simple guy... no need curly fries... or softee in coke...

But I dun feel like I asking more n more...
I'm just a typical girl lor! With a very very weak resolve though.. :(
On a typical mission to make things good for the longer term....
JUs as I been doing all year.
And my weekend research has proven to myself (albeit unexpectedly) that I ain't the worser kind...

Maybe the break ups r too many in between...
But dun forget pls that I always run back to u, call u, text u... the first thing next morning...
I never let u wait too long b4 to feel like all hope's gone in any event...

I think it's not that I have Too many expectations...
But it's that I can't manage them rite... n want them ALL in a short span of time...

But I know...
Wat little patience u were born with... I max the limits le...
My mother also raised me with little patience... so ... like that lar..

sooo..... How like dat?? :(

Phantom n Paris...

Watched the Phantom of the Opera at Le Durian last nite....

It's my 3rd time....
And it never fails to cause that chills-down-my-spine sensation still...

Picture of the wall wrap..

...........................................................

Details of ma Paris stopover...
Very long never go le...

I always loved Paris...
People not snobbish wat...
DIrty meh??

hee hee~

I went shopping...
As u can see... ;D

Tokidoki does packaging for makeup too!!!!!!!!

Couldnt help but buy 1 item....argh~ *hug self gleefully..*

My happiest catch was prolly the Dior clutch for 100 euros...

The lady in the store is an avid fan of Dior vintage purses herself... n started fishing her collection of coin purses... cardholders n wallet outta her super ratty LV Speedy to show me...

Bags n women....
Even though she hardly understood me n I stuggled to catch watever French I could... we ooohed n aaahhh at something common....

she told me her shop sold stuff from as old as 1890s...
And that the clutch I bought is from the 1970...

er... i not too sure Dior carried the monogram then... so i will rule tt out la.. ;p

OH!!! n at the recent Fashbash event... I bought a brand spanking new matching Dior Cardholder for all of.... S$50! wooohoooo!!

Kinda hooked on pre Loved designer items now...

And yes... I finally found the Comme Des Garcons store along faubourg st honore...
And had to buy a 100euro horse hair checked black n white zip purse...

Sigh....

the storekeeper tot I was a Hongkonger... but once I mentioned Singapore...
she cooed.. "Ah sIngpur!! Club 21!! they r my clients.. Eeye LurrRve Club 21....!"

hmmmm... seems like the Singapore Girl is not the only one putting SIN on the map...
The small pee sai we r... people still know us wat.... ;D

And how many of u out there actually know wat is Comme Des Garcons???
hueh hueeeh heehehee...~

Actually we r well known for the Spore Sling at Raffles Hotel...
And Im ashamed to say I've only been there once. -__-"

Back to Shopping...
so yes.. I walked into Sephora (equivelent of Tangs Beauty Hall or DFS beauty hall but oh so much cooler)
.. n ended up buying tokidoki packaged make up....
... a dog tag containing lip glosses i dun use.... (but it's an accessory!! *defensive pursed lips*)
... n the summer Dior play collection... in the form of the bronze diamante studded dice...
to complete my collection...



Did the flight with a familiar face...
Someone I met at my fly interview a good 3 yrs back...

She had some frenz backpacking in France for 3 weeks....
So we brought them sightseeing...

Always remember to alight at Metro station Trocadero for maginificent photo views of the Eiffel!!

Fuck the Eiffel tower station... it's stupid n u can't get nice nice photos...
;D

I was snooping round St Honore while they were exploring modern art in Le Pompidou n we met for tea...

We searched for the famed Cafe de Flore along St Germaine
And found it!!! ;D

Passing the Notre Dame again along the way...
Been there w Le Rif one winter 2-3 yrs ago le...so jus take another pic... for summer's sake! ;p

The eggs r yummy at Cafe de Flore...
next time Im jus gonna chill there n watch the other intellectuals read/ work on their Macs...
...

I'm happy...
though I had an icky weekend...


Erm... I feel like getting another part time job...
as a bartender... jus to kill time...
No need cpf...

any recommendations anyone???
I'm conscientious, clean, fast... n needless to say DAMN good at PR-ing...
Though I need to refresh on my concoctions n techniques laaarr...
........................

FUCK!!!!! I jus got activated for flight!!!!!!!!!
Tot I got Xtra off day liao..

Oh today on standby mah...

ARgHhhhhh~

gotta go...

NO ROar Meh??

Hmmmm...

An old fren of mine found me lil' blog n sent me an email...

To quote...
he said... "you say' provoke me n hear me roar' But where is it?? HeLOOOoooooO??"

ehhh....

okieeeee... *purse lips n frown*

Maybe a projectile puke is more obvious than angry feelings i guess....
Cos I'm pretty civilised n I perform angry acts discreetly...

But to date... I've smashed phones...
Overturned tables....
Smashed innocent TV remote controls....
N an alarm clock jus doing its job...
Screamed hysterically...
Bruised faces n arms...

Ooooh yeah...
I realised in this blog so far... I have tolerated acts of deceit n acts against MY principles...
Prob even exhibited an exhorbitant level of patience...
I have silently fumed but not yet ROarEd....

But the ones close to me have seen me Roar....
esp the boyfriends....

So dun think I won't Roar ah!.. heh heh...

*purrrrrr*

Chocolate High, Annoying Mentees...n Big boys with Bolsters...

Went to catch 251, The Intimate story of Annabel Chong ... on Fri nite...

I really liked it!!

I guess u can take me outta Singapore all the time...
But you can never take the Singapore outta me one lorrr...

hehe~

But honestly...

After travelling all over the world.. visiting big cities in Europe, States, Asia....

My fave place is still Singapore...

Where the MRT runs without delays... the buses consistent, the streets safe at night n the food available all night....

Me at Max Brenner's Choc Bar...

Finally go le....
Been wanting to try the chocolate shots there for like eons.... since the days b4 I started fly...

Chocolate licks...

Woooo soooo goood.....
Instant satisfaction....

Maybe bit sweet... so order some hot latte to counter the hyper sweetness n richness...
Yum..

Wanted to order the chocolate souffle but out le... ;(

But had the waffle n it was really good too!!!!
Though I thought the vanilla ice cream used (which we changed from coconut ice cream s stated in menu) like quite lousy lei...

But still tons better than ANY dessert.. or ANY food for that matter, that I tried in China...
........................................................................................................................................................................

Was in Sydney over the weekend n met up with Danny boy...

Helped him bring over some stuff from Sin as he's studying there now...

He sure scold me for putting this here... but the man has a security blanket n bolster...

hee hee hee hee heeh eeeeee!!


He brought me to Pancakes On The Rocks, a 24 hr cafe at the Rocks which serves some delicious pancakes n crepes...

And walked around looking for a decent place to have a chill out drink....


Actually the people who go out clubbing there all dress quite atas...
The men all in shirts n pants... plus blazers...
The girls will ALL be in dresses.... waist cinched with belts.... or tunics w tights... very fashion magazine... not bad...


I felt so so dressed down in my hoodie n drainpipes n converses... nil make up n GLASSES somemore!!! argh~


Very tired lei!! Din sleep much the nite b4 n had to be mentor to a super blur trainee on the flight.. more on that later...

Like I said.. the girls quite chio... the Asian girls were cute too... but a little young... too young for Dan lar...


But damn sian.... cos ALL of them dress like that...
There's no variety one... no girls in punky outfits... non in goth...non dressed spunky or interesting... just that pretty lil fashion mag dress thing going on...


And the make up n hair also so boring.... Zouk crowd beat the crowd in the most Atas club in Sydney ANYTIME..... Yawnz~



ALso hor... the bars there... (as in the bar where u order yr drink from..) the counters all sticky n wet n the bartenders dun bother keepin 'em dry...

And behind the counter.... the bar itself is wet n icky...
Yucks... kinda put me off ordering drinks for a bit...

Wat happened to service standards????

Oh well.... maybe Dan is rite... T.I.A. .... This Is Australia..... wat more do u expect????

That's why Singapore is still my favourite place... hee hee~
......................................................................................................................................................................

Speaking of annoying mentees... I dun remember myself being so StupiD.. on my first attachment flight...

Scared... yes

Blur.. yes

Petrified til can't function properly... yes...

But not stooopid lor...

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

And these r the people who r gonna be joining the ranks of fly life... n people whom I'm gonna have to work with in the future....


*slap hand to forehead*


And I did not stress her... in fact I was being uncharacteriscally NICE to her... NO ZAPPING at all...
until the seniors in my zone started to mock me n say that I need to be harsher...


Replay of my brain-draining n energy sucking trainee ...

1) I passed the seat number to her... repeated my instrustions slowly to her...
"Serve seat 65F this indian veg meal.... say this. this .this.... offer drinks...."

I turned to serve a pax... n turning back... I found she served 64F...

This is the 2nd time it happened on the flight already!!!!!!
Can't even see a freaking number correctly???



2) "Help me to serve a can of Coke.. with a separate cup of ice... for pax seated at 49B pls"
She gave me THE million dollar look for seconds....
Repeated instructions sllllowwwly.... n repeated seat number THRICE....

came back n caught her stowing a can of DIET coke back in fridge....
no separate ice.... coke poured in...

"Did u hear me say DIET coke?? I think I said COKE, REGULAR coke like 3 X. And he wants a SEPARATE CUP OF ICE..."

All these while never raising my voice hor....

I dun wanna make anyone cry one lor...

SIgh..................................



3) "okie... how do u make a brandy dry, or wat if pax ask for a whisky dry??"

(I asking this cos I come to realise that many new fly people r really quite STUPID, or they jus dun dig alcohol... cos many of them can't tell the diff between bourbon n whisky.... or wat the hell is a Screwdriver....

Ever heard stories of fly people who put dry ice in brandy when requested for a brandy dry??))

My trainee's answer.... "errrr...... u put in 1 part brandy.... n Dry Vermouth???"


*gasp**!!!


"No no no no no no.............. dry... dry gingerale... u jus add gingerale!!! Din u learn all that in training?!?!?"


OHHHH my GOd....


Yesh... these r the bimbos who think that fly life is all bout looking pretty with the required heavy make up n grooming standards.... n shasaying down the aisles n around the airport in their tight uniforms..... wriggling their cute bottoms...


Argh>.....

And all these while doing so much mooooorrrre mistakes...
Blurness n unsureness I can take...


AND not doing yr homework n zero mental preparation I can't tolerate if coupled with bad attitude...


HOWEVER, Stupidity n complete ignorance is something I CANNOT IMAGINE PEOPLE R CAPABLE OF!!!

I dun understand how can some people have NO knowledge of really really basic stuff???

But this experience with this particular set of trainees have shown me that I actually can tolerate....


My patience has once again advanced to a higher level...
Another step closer to nirvana....


I can only wish the 2 blur cocks the best of luck the next flight they go on to....
n pray that I never have to work with them ever....

And be glad that I see this experience as yet another form of self improvement...

;D

Shanghai.. n the lil' biatch in me... ;D

Everytime I go Shanghai I jus sleep... massage... maybe eat out...



This time... cos Jerry was rostered for the same flight....
I follow him go sightsee lor...

We went to The Bund a.k.a Shanghai Tan...

Yar I know!!!
So foggy!! Can't see properly...

Night view suppose to be magnificent...
Postcard pretty...
But...

Got some tunnel ride thingy...
Hmmm.. maybe it would be good..
And it would take me across the river...
to see that big phallic building closer...
whooo...

wahhh...
cost 40RMB (approx S$8) for return ticket...

Inside the tunnel...

The ride lasted all of 4 mins max...
the lights quite nice at first... but there's a total of only like 5 themes... damn short..

DAMN damn STUPID.

Is That the best they can do???????

The Building which looks like a big uniball koo koo bird.

Can go up to the different zones..

But for different ticket prices..

We figured that we wont b able to see anything cos so freakin' foggy...
n after the stupid lame tunnel ride... I din feel like spending $$ on more lame-0 stuff...

Conclusion so far is that Sight seeing in Shanghai sucks...
Some like the shopping here... they go to wholesale markets.. n lap up the DVDs n fake stuff...
But for me.... okie only larrr...

We went to Xin Tian Di....
Apparently the hip place to be...
The Lan Kwai Fong of Hong Kong.... maybe the Clarke Quay/Boat Quay of Sin...

Also like that only.................

Alfresco cafes... pubs... crowd bit more beautiful than on the streets... w bit of the poseur air...
But otherwise.. BORING~....

I found myself more in awe when I hit places like Club Street n Ann Siang Hill n Red Dot Museum n even the mightily boring Clarke Quay cannery area in the late afternoons
than here.........

Maybe cos I like places which have the "hidden, quiet" factor... dunno lar...

We found more things to bitch bout!!!!!
We sat down at this cafe which calls itself Ven-ice, for coffee n cake...

The highlight of our day was probably this... laughing at its ridiculous menu...

What it says:
"Xin Tian Di
Best for Best. Xin Tian Di is our best invention since we began the business in Shanghai. Made of best fruit, best fresh cream and best ice cream. the XIn Tian Di will give you a unique feeling in your tasting. in VEN-ICE, you're always our best guest."

Hahaha!! How many times the word 'Best' is used?!?!
Best for best... best fruit, best fresh cream.. best blahblah...~

Wat it really is:
2 scopps of vanilla n coffee ice cream...
a blob of whipped cream w a slice of lemon stuck in it...
n a puddle of chopped mago, melon swimming in red syrup.

BEST~!!!!
Is that really THE BEST they can come up with???

I'm being so evil cos the tiramisu I had was WaaaaaY below substandard....
They used cheap cream instead of mascarpone cheese...
n the cake layers were old looking, dry n jus disgusting...
Worse than any lousy old cake bought from a neighbourhood confectionery..

There's more....

What it says:

"Kiwi fruit has a wonderful taste n color while the ice cream looks like the white snow of the green world(??). Enjoying it, you will feel so tightly close to the nature."

hahahahaha~~

The only reason why I would feel "so tightly close to the nature" is cos the entire thing is jus whipped cream...
cheap fat whipped cream which will make my size bigger so the molecules in the atmosphere will hug me tighter...

Gee...

TOtally unappetizing...

"ICE-PizzA
Ven-ice ice pizza is made of ice cream.(really??? like melted one?? eeeks)
Designer decorates fresh fruits.
The special pizza is beautiful n delicious. (REallly mehhh *skeptical look*)
Try it. YOu will remember it a long time later"

eeepss...

MOre cheeeesy eeeksss!!!

Left: Fire Light
"Do you enjoy the sunshine in the South Italy beach, with charming girls n the moving music of the Naples? (*snigger*)
Sprinkled fruits with bright colors, the ice cream is taste-ful.
We hope this will prolong your good impression of Italy."

Yeah... hope away...
Looks like a gross concoction of whipped cream n cut up fruits only wat...

Right: Italian noodles
"Italian noodles is popular in all the world while Ven-ice noodles are made of fresh n soft ice cream. This is the classic work in our shop.
Adding with strawberry syrup, the good taste will bring you absolutely a new feeling."

Who wants to eat ice cream which looks like noodles waaaaannnnn....

AIYOH!!

eVerything looks cheap n tastes inferior...
I'm not being biased at all or discriminating... but it's probably safest to stick to the brand names/franchises like Coffee Bean n Starbucks to get quality worth yr money...

Jerry's hot choc tasted like shit, the Best description I can think of...

And I wondered to Jer out loud...
if things in China is like so cheap already... why is the quality still so lousy for premium stores in premium locations?

Why can't they jus use like Hershey's choc or something????

SEriously.... is that the BESt China can do???

No more sightseeing in Shanghai for me....
Prob only massage n cheap market shopping...
Such a Yawn~ n waste of sleep time...
.............................................................................................................................................................

We brought our baby to East Coast...

Poor thing puked again in the car.....
N lao sai like 3Xs after getting out...

Whiskey really hates car rides it seems...
Doesn't help that he is getting bit too fat to sit comfily in the backseat of the car!!

High maintainence this doggy...
Need a van or SUV to ferry him around le!!

He sat there patiently though while Rif n I had our dinner (Indian food!)...
But got annoyed at the end of the night cos he was hungry.... n cos he had to go thru another car ride to get home...
Refuse to let me hug him!!!!

Aiyah... naughty puppy!!!!

He's turning 2 on April the 19th!! TImes flies!!
...................................................................................................................................................................

Had another run in w the bf again over the weekend...
Usual tussle over alcohol n late nights...

Y can't I be involved w a stable, level headed guy whose nights out w the boys involve jus a couple of beers n watching soccer talking cock... or jus laaa kopi at the coffee shops nearby??

25 yrs in my life n this is the first time I had to single handedly haul an 80kg ass across the hallway from the living room to the bedroom...
Almost getting squashed like a squirrel under a falling tree in the process...

Also my first time seeing my guy lose control of his mind, to alcohol...
Simply just..... lost control.. My guy lei!!!

I tot I liked them all strong willed n in control... never giving in to moodswings n sturdy as a rock in times of strife n stress....

Not the first time I experienced though... the last time was being helpless in Zurich, once in Taipei... getting no answers or a busy tone on his mobile..

Doesn't help when I saw him getting outta the cab with a female companion at the end of the night... yeah yeah.. she was a staff... but he was drunk as well...

Reliable???

Interviewed a couple of guy frenz of mine... n many of them confess to a weakness.. as all humans do...
but most of them dun like to get completely pissed drunk... dun like to lose all control n their mind...
Myself included, after a couple such experiences complete w memory lapses...

Scary...
And Skeptical...

And I thought when I signed up for a relationship with a 30 yr old man, it would actually be easier....

Off to Incheon tonight again...
yEah.. told ya my roster's boring... bleahg~ ;p