More thoughts on The One..

Remember when I said I needed to refine n redefine my take on The One when I announced my blogging break??

Well.. while walking down 5th Ave today... I saw a super old couple hobbling along struggling to cross a small road amidst heavy traffic...
And when the old missus made it across.. she immediately turned around to check on her other half... her hand instinctively reaching out for his....
And they continued hobbling alongside each other... hand in hand..

Made me feel so warm seeing them together...
And once again, wishing n hoping that one day...
I would find The Right One...
Who would love me forever n ever.. more than anyone else...
More than even our own children... REally!! hahaha

In my much earlier post on The One... I wrote bout how I believe there r two groups of people...
One who just settle for the next best thing... n the other who believes in The One.... n eternal passion..

Today however... especially when troubled by the reality that the honeymoon period in my relationship has officially ended like a month ago...
My thoughts were more on what more I would like from The One...
And feeling sadder at the thought that Mr Caveman would not be him....

It made me sad cos I realised that he no longer sends me more loving messages than the neccessary "I'm going work", "i'm coming home" n "have a good flight" type of texts.

I might sound like a bitch here but he never gave me any presents in these 6 mths together except the necklace on our 2nd date...
Also.. not to mention that I haven't been wined n dined in the romantic way in a loooong time...
And have him give me his utmost attention as if he really is interested to hear all i have to say...
Sigh...

No wonder Mommy always tells me not to jump into things too quickly...
Sure.. i held my own for bout 3 months... n then I caved.. n brought down all the walls round me...
Well... seems like that was as long as the courtship lasted.

I dun deny that he still takes effort to please me.. like waiting for me at my block to bring my bags up for me...
And stopping drinking when I'm away so we won't end up arguing when i wait up for him in a lonely hotel room at nite...

But these days.. when I so much as say "Darling would you tell me how long more you'd take before you get home" or "Why din you text/call me when you got home", he would fly into a rage n start being defensive n yelling at me..

I tried the soft n hard way... that is... yelling back at him... n also staying patient n saying sorry for interrupting...
But the dude yelled harder when i yelled... n fumed when i was sad...
Argh*
Talk bout reassurance...

I question him because one reader told me one night when i was out that he was seen with another babe at a pub...
And the circumstances were all too coincidental w his claims to have bumped into a female fren after work..
I took his word for it n the incident is long forgiven though..

Anyway.. sorry to digress n whine... but whenever he jumps at me w the excuse of his quick temper, he reminds me of how my dad treats my mom whenever my mom states a fact...
Or wants to start a discussion...

I dun want a marriage w a man like that...
Having to tread softly whenever I have doubts on my mind to clear... questions to ask...
I decided to avoid disagreements if I can... but it's not me...
I end up w nightmares n more insecurities...

Could it be that he's not The One after all the love I've put in??

Sure... I wanna hold, snuggle him n still feel my heart skip sometimes when I'm w him...
I long for him still now n then...
But I'm starting to wonder if it could all be just one sided...

Wat if he has different definitions of The One himself? And he belongs to the other group of people who just settle n believe that passion n fire in any relationship fades with time n allow other things like career n reality to douse the embers?

Then how would things work out when you put 2 people w opposing beliefs of Love together?

Would I be able to keep things burning bright for the 2 of us til death do us part?

Or will I become jaded after trying alone for while n succumb to the monotonous life of being together n no longer be IN love?

Think I'm being ultra melodramatic... bleah~

Perhaps my frenz are right...
"Aiyah.. you too nice to him already. Spoil him liao larr..."

Hmm... maybe they r right...
I spoiled him by driving him to n fro work when I can... n around whenever we go out on dates...
I spoiled him by always making things easy for him... like going to his work place to wait for him finish after clubbing w my frenz... he never does that for me!!
I spoiled him w my numerous presents from around the world...
I spoiled him by giving him timely messages on my whereabouts without him having to worry n be insecure bout...
I spoiled him by being afraid of making him annoyed w me...

Why? becos I believe in doing unto others wat you want others to do unto you...
I starting to wonder if I'm working too hard to be his One...
Doing all these extras he never asked for but doing it still wishing he would realise it n do it back for me...


Yep.. maybe a male version of myself would be the perfect person to be My One... hee hee

eeeew... I can't believe I just said that!!!!! ;p
sheesh...

Okie m gonna stop baring my soul here....
But I really wanna hear wat r other people's definition of the Ideal Other Half...
REally... when you think bout it... how would you like him/her to be like? :)