Hard to swallow...

gosh...
I'm so tired..
Just back from Brisbane where I met up with Zhiwei n had a super good time shopping n just bitching in my room...
We found lotsa discount stores with Tsubi n Sass & Bide stuff... Brisbane rocks! ;D

Am gonna wake up in 6 hours time for a HKG turn later man... my eyebags getting terrible too.

Doesn't help that I had a traumatic weekend...

You know the expression 'hard to swallow'...
think you gotta experience it to really know what it means.

It doesn't happen when you're told you're gonna die i think; din happen to me...

It doesn't happen when a good fren tells you that you can't stay frenz anymore...

It doesn't happen when you get rejected from a job you really really want...

Instead, a lump forms in your throat like it does when you are trying hard not to cry... though I really din feel like crying.
And it stays there; while the mind is a mystical blank.

Anger stays at bay til much later... n you pretty much dunno who to direct it to.
And all I wanted to do was to get crazy drunk like I used to n be carried home unconscious.

Sigh... but rationality has taken over me at this age n i gotta take care of my image man...
Can't get piggy backed outta Zouk no more! ;D

Okie, so there was screaming, shouting, vulgarities hurling, phone tossing, crazy thinking... all the activities which expended me emotionally n physically...

From wat I heard, seems like the other person on the other end was getting drunk for some similar reasons as well...
But then, it could just be a weekly routine for filthy skanky people...

Back to that lump in throat...
I visualised hair grabbing face bashing wall banging cat fights for it to subside...
My hands itched to feel scalp, n my nails wanted to scratch...

Yeah i'm a bloody bitch.
I said dun mess with me n I mean it.

This is my inner ah lian acting.
Yes my frenz can say I lian, which I dun deny... But no one seen me do the real lian thing yet.
I dun like people stepping on my feet or pushing in clubs. I growl.
Wanna guai lan me I will stare n bite.

Not my style? Too low class for me?
Maybe...
Just pray that my emotions are contained when you r sighted....
grrrrrrrrrrrr~

........................................

Okie lar... enough of venting... think have to get the violent streak outta my head...
Lucky got Deniz to counsel n encourage me to think of other things which could be more relevant in this life....

Can't think straight, too sleepy n nicotine deprived...
nights people!