Chasing the blues...

It started like this...

Me: "bleah bleah bleah... never call me... never text me... no longer ask wat time i touch down or text me b4 I take off/touch down.. jus sleep thru as if u dun care bleah bleah.. no longer wait for me after flights..bleah bleah... yr words so cheap.. take me for granted.. think i always there...why why why..nag nag.."

Him: (in between interrupting me to order his prata.. ;( ) "nothing has changed.. it's jus yr perception"

Me: "Everything has changed!! why can't u jus listen to me!?? pay me the due attention at least when i talking n telling u how i feel!??!"

Him: "What do u want me to DO???!"

Me: (feeling quite shit cos he jus... sigh...) "I just want u to realise yrself that things have changed... the way YOU treat me has changed...do u not wanna try anymore??? I feel like u dun treasure me that much anymore...WHY CAN't U SEE THAT at aLL>?"

Him: "I think nothing has changed."

Me: (try again n repeat myself to make him see my point...)

Him: (interrupts me n says...) "look I jus finished work okie?"

Me: (long quiet pause) "u jus fuck care..." (n slams down phone...)

And so....
After a shower... I prep my thoughts in mind for a speech....for him...
Maybe an angry one...
Maybe a vengeful one...

He called back... n I delivered my speech....

His reply?

Simply "since u have already made yr decision.... rest early"

No "pls forgive me, i really love u"....
No "dun go away from me, this is a trying period n i really need u by my side".... which will jus do the trick...

nope, the boy gave me none of that....
he just accepted my speech as if he has been wanting it too......

And I went to restless sleep n woke up the next morning feeling the crunch n the extreme shittiness setting in....

A moment of weakness n I called him....
What did he say??

Just " I'm sleepy"...
Which I interpreted as ... "What do u want now??!? I just wanna sleep... Pls dun come bug me now bout us"

Yes... WHat The FiaK~*
..................................................................................

And so I tiredly dragged myself around freezing cold NY so not to b alone in the room....
Checking my mobile every so often for that remorseful text....

NOthing.....

.
.
.
.
.

I'm chasing the blues.... from Frankfurt to New York....

N coming back to Sin won't help me answer my question...

I'm getting external advice...
Fellow flymate recommending a clairvoyant whom I think I will run to on one of my off days when I get back...

:(

Not happy...

He's so mean to me I know... but i still keep thinking I'm doing the wrong thing...
Yes im messed up...