Diary of an Imminent Breakup - Day 2

As the plane was descending into Sin n capt announced "Cabin Crew to landing stations"
I heaved a sigh of relief like I always do before taking my seat....

But this morning... a split second after my token sigh... I felt a strange sinking feeling at the same time...

Sighhh....
I'm going back into the world of Phone Reception....
Where I would switch on my phone n hope to hear from him....
And be disappointed if I dun....
And be neurotic-crazy again bout wat happened to him...

"Did he go home at all?"
"Or was he with someone else? can't be.. he so tired after work.."
"maybe he brought her home.... maybe he always had someone... n they went home for hot sex n he forgot bout texting me.."

Oh god...

Stupid as hell right>??

For the first time in my flying career... I din wanna touch down...
I felt like staying up there getting abused by pax was prob the safest place I can be...

Then I can't text him or wait for his text....
It was like in the old days at Dome... was trying to dump this guy n it was so much easier cos all I had to do was to leave my phone in the locker all day....

But I did realise that I seem to put more heart into work cos I desperately try to get the pain n anguish outta my mind....
Everytime things slow down... the pain comes again...

I havent slept since 4pm yesterday,,,
I got home at 8am n couldnt take it n called him to ask why... (I cant take suspense)
his response?

Something totally innocent that I have to forgive....
He fell asleep cos he was so tired...

:"But u said u still wanna make things work n all I ask for from u is Communication...
I dun need off days with me or long phone calls... jus that stolen min to send me a text...adding up to few stolen mins a day outta yr busy schedule... jus to let me hear from u.. reassure me that u still care bout me.. love me... think of me... is it so hard???"

I cried... dunno out of relief for finally being able to hear his voice or just thankful that he picked up...

I can never sleep well not hearing from him... n he knows that...

And my heart dropped when he said "Can I go back to sleep now cos I need to get up in 3 hours?" ... when I was weeping tears of relief n anguish...

Am I pathetic or damn pathetic???

Why do I allow myself to be treated like that??
I is Dodo Chin lei... sigh... ;_(

I making myself damn tired so I can jus drop dead on bed... dun wanna lie there n think think think rubbish then call n text on impulse anymore...

I think I will jus.... Disappear......
I can't wait for my next flight... the longer the flight time the better....cos I can jus... Disappear.....