Backtracking... n grieving..

Dear readers...
Please forgive me as I whine incessantly bout my break up...

I'm exhausted after my 12 hour flight from frankfurt today...
Can fall asleep mid speech no less...

But am here backtracking on my 2006 entries...
drinking red wine outta the bottle... n I just find it so hard to Breathe Again...

But hey... better to do this at home in sin...
Grieve n cry my heart out...
Than in some city miles away from home in a hotel room alone rite??

What's playing now is Toni Braxton's Breathe Again..
Over n over again...

Loy n Von who follow my blog....
will know the times I Ray-ranted...

will know when the honeymoon ended n the cracks began...

"Then along came someone who tells me "Pls dun compromise for me, let me compromise instead becos I can do so..."
Someone who never complains to me bout me...
Someone who wants to outfuss, outlove, outcare, outprovide, outpamper anyone else when it comes to me..
Someone who actually acts on what I say i dun like... super quickly somemore... ;D
Someone who actually makes me wonder if I'm a good enough/sweet enough gf to!!"

What happened to that someone?
That someone who tells me "I will text /call u when n when..."
That someone who tells me "Oh god, another long flight... wat m i gonna do??? oh wait... I'm gonna get more call cards to call ya..."
That someone who says "I can't go without seeing u for more than 7 days..."
That someone who used to say... "I think I love you more than myself!!!"


That someone became consumed with the prospect of promotion...
That someone became selfish n became more concerned bout the quality of his personal life b4 me...
Talks with yr staff, drink sessions with yr colleagues...
Suddenly took more importance than bonding with me...
I started to feel cast aside...
It's no longer just "me n you against the world" but "me against your world"

That someone became one who shouts at me "It's just you you you n you!!! YOu just want more more MOre!!"
N i just cry silently on the other line...

I feel so stupid letting my guard down...
SO stupid giving you my heart...
So so stupid putting down my invisible walls that I set up over the past 4 years...
You came in n took all my dignity n faith in love away.........
Just when I thought I found all that I wanted in you...

Just when I announce to the ENTIRE world that you r wat I want...
And it's so hard... so so hard...
To accept that you dun wanna work on us anymore...

That you r tired of trying anymore...

That this very time... just a year ago... we were enjoying our so-called honeymoon...

I look out of my window, smoking a ciggie... n I think...
DId it all really happen??

Just like that morning on the 9th April 2006 when I woke up n asked you...
"DId you really happen?"

N You replied...
"It's as real as it can be... if it's a dream, I pray to lord not to wake up from it..."

is it me... my fault?? really??