The Subconscious is Still Hurt... Vulnerable..

Pple who have shared a life with me b4, mostly boyfriends, know that I can't sleep well in troubled times, esp when I can't find the answer to my questions. I keep getting these monstrous dreams since he brought her into the picture. In them, he keeps coming back to hurt me, relentless, at my most vulnerable self. They all depict tt he loves her more than anything n still he keeps lying n lying to me, conjoling me, assuring me, deceiving me. In my dreams, the evil becomes incredulous; to the point of ridiculous. Cos in fantasy land, anything is not impossible... I hate myself for having such an imaginative subconscious... I m so so so tired. Jus got back from an all-nighter Indian flight n only got to sleep at 10 n 2 hours later I'm jolted awake cos I felt so much sheer pain n hurt; dreams of him doing more hurting actions, saying more hurtful, misleading lies. And I wake up n feel so so vulnerable, n I threw a childish crying tantrum at myself. And I get upset n sad, n i dun think i did anything to him that made me deserve this, except the stupidity of having loved him whole heartedly before. This is absolutely the first time in my life things have gotten to me this way, maybe because this is the first time I had to deal with such an idiot. When m i gonna get better? I just wanna sleep peacefully, away from his thoughtless, inconsiderate, selfish acts. I truly wonder how can a person be so insensitive to such a point tt he cannot imagine putting himself in another's shoe, esp one whom he claims he loves, n be so.....Ah well, it was all lies. And I was stupid to believe them all. I dun wanna be affected anymore. Someone please come n make dodo get better, faster...cos i dun wanna cry no more. :( Sigh silly soft emotional dodo as always~